Photo courtesy of Jeffrey N. Zimmerman, Petaluma, CA

Be kind to everyone, and say I love you, often. You never know when it might be the last time you see them…

ceased to be a cliche on Sunday April 15, 2012. The words went, bullseye-like, straight out of my mouth and into my heart.

My boyfriend recently witnessed a murder/suicide. Up close, 25 feet away, and in a world of luck that he, too, was not taken down with a revolver.

Jeffrey Zimmerman is a family law attorney, a specialization I’ve come to realize is as much social worker as anything else, and hardly exemplifies the “evil lawyer” of jokes. After 30 years of experience, he still loses sleep at night, worrying about how to best represent his divorce clients, how to make the best out of what is so often a painful, confusing, soul-wrenching “procedure.” But what he wants most of all is to do the best thing for the involved children, to do what’s best for them.

When Jeff called me, just moments after it happened, and said, “My client has been shot,” I assumed he meant he had heard about it, that someone had let him know. When he added, “Her husband was waiting for her outside my office, he just shot her, then blew his brains out,” the world went surreal.

“That only happens on Law & Order” is now another cliche gone sour. It does happen, it did, in the sweet northern California town of Petaluma. I used to love Law & Order. It was my junk tv, my mind-numbing intake before bedtime. One note of “dun-ta,” and I was absorbed. But that was before I was reminded by the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, 1:15, to be careful of the company (read: entertainment) I keep, and my teacher underscored it when he cautioned against taking in violent or disturbing television, as we are ingesting those images and sounds that only seem like a mindless whiling away of time. They enter us by way of prana, and take root in the deepest recesses of our psyche, if we let them.

My yoga practice this week has been one of trying to assimilate what I ingested when I was force-fed brutal violence. How to rid my mind of the horrid taste of what happened, there on the sidewalk of this hip, Mayberry-ish town, home of the Butter and Eggs parade, which paradoxically, thankfully, will soon roll down the street within a sound of laughter’s distance from the scene. The scene where Kim Conover, second-grade school teacher, and mother to 21-month twins, and daughters aged 12 and 15, was slain by her estranged husband, who then turned the gun on himself. But not before looking straight in the eye of my boyfriend, the man who was working on the weekend to keep harm out of her way.

photo credit: St0rmz

Now, the families, the town, the school, are all heart-broken, marked by one man’s mind gone wild. My personal standpoint is one of knowing that when my boyfriend went in to meet with his client that Sunday afternoon, it was to help her get way from the man who had been frightening her. And that during those same moments in which he and his client were trying to ensure her safety, safety’s exact opposite waited in ambush outside, ready to take her life away.

When she walked out of his office that day, Jeff tells me she felt optimistic. She had been trying to get a restraining order from the police, but twice judges had denied it, for lack of enough evidence to warrant the action. But she walked out into the sunshine that day with some hope that this time, the law would have her back.

As has been recently examined in Yoga Modern, it is the challenge of the yogi to tolerate the intolerable, to see the divine even in the most “heinous” of people, even in the ones the world joinstogether to condemn. And now this is my practice, wrought in first-person.

I’m told, and I teach, that the most difficult of yoga poses are not taught to make us feel bad about ourselves because we can’t do them. The asana that feel like they are out to kill us are tools to hone our tolerance, are a sort of inoculation of “I can’t stand it” that strengthens the immune system of our forbearance.

But what is the practice to help us digest, assimilate, and/or eliminate the cruelest of memories that take seat in us? In this case, i was looking for even the smallest ray of light, such as the fact that in some of her last moments on earth, Kim Conover felt encouraged.

Because of my awareness of yoga’s gift of grace, I believe that little ray of light did count for her. I feel that in what was sadly her last hour on earth, she was with someone who was fighting for her, and who she knew was her advocate. And while it may have been drastically overshadowed by what was to follow, it matters that she had that, and that she was seen as someone who mattered.

photo credit: RickC

Can we find, and remember the blessings that a victim experienced moments before it’s “all over” as a crumb, however small, to weigh in? Grateful they had even one clear moment of grace? In Kim’s sense of relief, in the sweet taste of Skittles for Trayon Martin? 

Well, it is my name.

And, it makes me dance, happy.

Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys

This is it, folks:

I’ve had feedback, intended as both pro and con, that my yoga classes are “deep.“

Those who are pro keep coming, and smiling.

Those who are con, well, they don’t come to my classes often, but I do see them going to the “other” types of yoga classes that Gary describes.

Thanks, Yoga Modern, for submitting this brief, but…deep…inteview.

The energy that is percolating around Occupy Wall Street is magnetic. It is expansive, it pulsates, is alive with a vibrant expression that cannot be contained. Wow. That sounds eerily, spookily like…Love.

What if the most radical thing about Occupy Wall Street is the power of love? Love as passion, as a call to rise to take critical care of all we hold dear? It is the power of intention that brews in our very being, erupting into a Nothing can stop meaction. Love was the radical power in St. Francis, that crazy wild man of God, when he invited us to become extremists for grace, extremists for love.

In Occupy Wall Street, (OWS) and the spreading Occupation, action is being taken, alright, from sea to taken-advantage-of sea. If you’ve been reading my posts of late, you know that when it comes to feeling the darts of scarcity, unemployment, no health insurance, and my home up for grabs, I’ve got a beef or two. I’m a veritable carnivore. I have harbored a radical in my soul since the days of hippies, Yippies, and the Chicago Seven (I was way too young to be there, but I was mad for them), and now Occupy looks like my chance to be a part. In San Francisco, no less. Gentle Readers, when I do go to sit, chant, or march, I plan to leave my heart in San Francisco.

You see, in addition to feeling a direct hit from what caused OWS, I recently read a post on Yoga Set Free that inspired another spark in me. In it, author and yoga teacher Anne Jablonski urges:

Occupy your heart

“Anger is exhausting. And depleting. Love is not…When we look into another pair of eyes, if all we’re determined to see is someone who is wrong, whose behavior and actions we abhor, who is ‘other,’ then that’s all we’re going to see.  And that’s all they’re going to see us seeing.  But if we take a little leap of faith to ask, “Is there something else going on? Is there love here?”  Then a whole new paradigm becomes possible.”

 photo credit: ruurmo

I believe it is not through the blind ambition of anger that we find a wide open path to resolution. It is not through gazing through rose-colored glasses at our navels that we see our way to change what no longer works. It is through a courageous merging of the power of love with what spurs our soul. It is through what feminist theologist Sharon D. Welch, calls ”sheer holy boldness.“

Sheer, holy boldness. I first read those three huge words in grad school, nearly 20 years ago, and their grip has never let me go. In the deepest, darkest night of the soul, Welch’s words cradled me, dried my tears, and reassured me that while I may at times feel “sheer” and fragile, if I relax and let myself feel my inherent holiness, I am all bold. 

Eve Ensler writes on Huffington Post: ”Occupy Wall Street is a work of art, exploding onto a canvas in search of form, in search of an image, a vision.”  Think about it: a work of art. Action + imagination is the surest way I know to occupy my heart with its most precious residents.

The creative process is infinitely fertile, fecund.  It was a muse when Deepak Chopra  lead a meditation for Occupy Wall Street, posted on Occupy Within: a Movement in Awakening:

“Ask yourself internally, what kind of world do I want to live in? And listen. And now ask yourself, How can I make that happen from a place of love, compassion, joy, and equanimity? Simple anger will only perpetuate what already is out there. It was created by greed and fear. We have to go beyond that and come from a place of compassion, centered equanimity, and creativity.”

It is radically important that we get quiet and listen to the “messengers” that tell us what kind of world we want to live in. There is an amazing power in being still enough to hear the messages. And when we do, we may become a holy vessel. The heart. I can think of nothing else big enough to contain the sum total of shakti (power) that is our potential. And that, is radical.

Our minds will not be still until we take the time to listen, and respond to the pleading, sometimes pounding, messages that beat in our souls. What messages occupy your heart, and what practices do you devote to the messenger?

First published on yogamodern.com

Parkpoint, Sonoma

October 27-November 17, 5:45-6:45 p.m.

Photo credit: In Her Image Photography

If you’ve been practicing yoga for awhile, I know you still remember the incomparable feelings and memories of your very first steps into the practice. This is what happens when we discover yoga.

But for those who have not yet stepped onto the amazing piece of real estate known as a “yoga mat,” the thought of walking into a classroom where everybody seems to know the names of the poses at the very least, or to be able to arrange their bodies into (seemingly) impossible poses, can be intimidating. It can even be intimidating to admit it is intimidating!

As an established practitioner and teacher of yoga, my first words to those newbies is, “You are so lucky!“I remember my first exposure to yoga, and it is one of the most extraordinary, blissful, and valuable occurrences of my life. Of my life! And I am fortunate to have had a colorful and full life, rich in all flavor of experience.

If you haven’t yet had the courage to step into a yoga class, and you are in Sonoma, This is Your Chance to Change the Rest of Your Life!  I’ll be teaching Yoga Basics at Parkpoint Health Club in Sonoma. It is open to both members and non-members, and is a very affordable price.

As a friend said to me many years ago when I was pondering this new adventure (but a little intimidated),

“Think of it as the beginning of a vacation that will last the rest of your life.”

Big promise, I know. But. I promise!

P.S., One of the “side effects” of yoga is increased courage and self-esteem!

Call Parkpoint for details. 707-996-3111. And. I hope to see you there, you lucky newbie yogi!

I refer you to my article on Yoga Modern…

Yes, there is obvious grand yoga (think: handstand in the middle of the room), and it can be delicious, joyful, fun. And that is a good thing. But when it comes right down to the nut of it, your soul could not care less if you can drop back into full backbend.
The quality of your life, and its impact on others doesn’t give a wit.

It is when you take the grand stand to shine your light fully that your soul begins to hum along to the tune of your Dharma. It is being open to this arising, bubbling up and out of you at a moment’s notice, when you least expect it. Even, and especially at those moments that our first reaction is to quietly wish inside for something we really, really desire with all of our heart.

You just never know when life is going to present the opportunity…to Present, that joy will issue forth, and we find ourselves surfing a wave of God-Beautiful, awe-full-ness.

I do know of at least one sure-fired way to set your sights on such surf-worthy waves:

Pre-order Yogarupa Rod Stryker’s (my teacher) glorious book The Four Desires: Creating a Life of Purpose, Happiness, Prosperity, and Freedom.

The Four Desires will be not be released until July, so here is another, right now place to see what I mean. And no, it is not about the asana. You won’t see or hear any overt mention of yoga in this adorable moment of a video of singer Paul Simon making yoga really possible for one woman.

But it’s yoga alright. About as fully expressed as you’ll ever find.

The very recent past, Good Friday, seems defined by horrors beyond belief, it’s a crushing blow and sadness.

The day before Easter Saturday was an all consuming loss. A loss of Love personified, that of Christ Consciousness.

With the original “Good Friday” a day of history, today’s equivalent holds the knowledge that tomorrow, a miracle will happen. While yesterday was all dreadful and of an unfathomable pain, we know that tomorrow will present a rejoicing and all powerful  ascension. But where does that leave us today? That day in-between unimaginable sorrow and unbelievable redemption?

Sraddha.

I’ve recently returned from a week’s study and practice with my teacher, Yogarupa Rod Stryker, founder of ParaYoga. Among the precious notes I garnered from our week of “Kundalini: The Grandeur and Spirit of Yoga” are these:

Stay steady when there is no reward, that is faith. Faith is when there is no apparent reward, and you stay on the path anyway. Faith is staying steady when there is no evidence that you should have any, but you do.

And so, I encourage you not toward a blind faith in knowing that tomorrow will be blessed with colorful baskets of sweets, precious bunnies, and even the smiles of a child, but in just being present, truly present, with the gift of knowing that on any given day after a devastating experience, thought, or word, the brightness that is your true Self is right there. Despite the evidence.

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